using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
