Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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