How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
