im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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