So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
