let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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