I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
