So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
