I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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