I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
