How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
