i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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