So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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