Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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