I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
