That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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