So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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