if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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