The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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