I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
