I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
