just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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