Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
