Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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