i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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