How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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