my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
