You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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