the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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