And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
