i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wish there were birth control emojis
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
