Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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