she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
