if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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