My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Semen is not good for contacts.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
