Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
