i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
