You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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