Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
