i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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