you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
