girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
