My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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