I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
