Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
