omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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