hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Randomize
