Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
