drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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