My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
