I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
