Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Floor bacon is actually really good
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
