Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
