she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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