hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
