New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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