Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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